All my love
What I want to tell you when you feel bleh
Sometimes I feel bleh too. Sometimes it feels like a juxtaposition. Because I love to be happy. That sounds silly. What I mean is, I am an optimist. I love to be positive. I LOVE December. It’s my birthday month, it’s Christmas, there are lights everywhere and everyone generally seems happier, nicer. But sometimes I also feel bleh. Bleh can feel distant, apathetic, empty. It can feel sad, helpless, irritable, paranoid, lonely, anxious. I guess another variant of Covid hasn’t helped. Plus finding a purpose, figuring out what you want to do in life can be hard. I don’t really know what I’m doing in life and what I think I want to do, seems like a far-off dream sometimes. So, I get anxious, I get lonely, I get sad.
I think popular music is a very good indicator of how a lot of us are doing. Popular music usually echoes the general mood of the population and if Taylor Swift, Adele and Sam Fender’s music is anything to go by, it means I am not alone in feeling bleh. Not just bleh, in feeling sad, in feeling lonely and in feeling anxious. I know I am not alone. But when the bleh feeling hits, I feel so isolated. Like I’m an empty tiny island. All alone. At least the soundtrack to the bleh is upbeat and poppy with catchy lyrics.
I wish struggling mentally was given the same level of importance and was met with the same level of immediate understanding and compassion that seeing someone in physical pain invokes. I guess it’s hard to understand something you can’t see and something you might not experience. There is so little understanding of mental health issues. No one teaches you about mental health in school. Mental health can feel like an awkward, taboo topic especially at work but even amongst your closest friends/ family. It’s quite crazy. Why isn’t it normal to talk about it when your mental health, whether good or bad, is such a huge part of being human. A huge part of you. It can affect every part of you, your decisions, your reactions, your capacity, your productivity, your physical health, your physical appearance, your physical surroundings (whether you’re tidy or messy) and can impact the people around you. A mental illness is not your personality but it can definitely influence it.
Mental health education will never become normalised until we make it normal to talk about it. The awkwardness, the stigma will never go away if we continue to pretend as if everything is okay when so many people are not.
When we expect people to ‘get on with it’ without asking if they have the capacity to, it can cause them, and others, even more harm. Distraction can be a good way to cope but it’s not the solution. It takes incredible, incredible courage to open up. To even recognise that things could be better. To reflect, to seek others. To allow others the privilege of trying to help you feel better. It’s the bravest thing.
I guess all I want to do here is to try and remind myself and anyone who needs it, that they are not alone. Not feeling great is okay. And that the feeling does not last forever. It gets better. Talking can help sometimes. It can help you feel less alone. It can help you feel loved. Feeling loved can help a lot. I hope it helps. Showing love is the only way I know how to help. I’m not always great at it though. So I write. Because I’m better at writing than talking or showing. And because I’m very good at forgetting and then I end up on that island again.
I write for anyone who needs to hear it because everyone needs a little reminder sometimes.
For my love
I love you. There is always someone that loves you. More than you know. It can be easy to forget. But you are never alone.
Take it easy on yourself. We are all only human. Absolutely flawed imperfect humans. No one has a manual on how to live life perfectly. Everyone is trying their best. Everyone is making mistakes and learning as they go. You are trying your best. There is nothing wrong with you. You are not an anomaly.
You don’t have to do life alone. Everything becomes a little easier when you open up. So, ask for help, when you feel stuck but also when you think you can do it alone. There will always be people ready to support you.
The best thing we can do is treat ourselves and each other with compassion. With love, kindness and understanding.
Please be patient with yourself. Be patient with the process. The bleh doesn’t last forever.
I promise you that everything will be okay.
All my love
Joy
